Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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