I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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