He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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