I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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