Pappa wants mamma naked
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
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I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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