Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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