I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't make out with my wife yet
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize