ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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