I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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