I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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