I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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