perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
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Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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