I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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