Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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