the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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