I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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