Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The air was thick with penises
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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