meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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