ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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