I think i sorta joined a cult last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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