dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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