mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
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Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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