Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize