Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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