were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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