guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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