you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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