I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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