dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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