chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wear drunk well.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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