I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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