I will die if light touches me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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