I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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