WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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