She is in my trunk
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize