he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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