i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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