I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
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Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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