I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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