oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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