i love accidental penises.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I am one with the molecules
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
His nipple licking is glorious
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