i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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