I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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