I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize