Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize