You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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