TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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