Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
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Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize