I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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