The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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